the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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