I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
