girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
