Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
