I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
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My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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