if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just high enough for therapy.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I touched a dick in church today
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
