Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
