Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
