I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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