tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
