there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
