I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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