so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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