Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
