He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Is it penis luge time yet?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
