3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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