I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
