I just threw up on my dentist
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We just shotgunned beers for America
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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