Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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