The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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