remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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