I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
