How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
