...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
