No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
