Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
