can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
