I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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