Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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