***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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