I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
