Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
