i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
