Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
