i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have tasted many bathrooms
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
