I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
