There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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