woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
