Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
