I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
