I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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