You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
