what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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