Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
