Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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