we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
