we have officially lost it.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
