White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
