dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
