I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
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Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
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Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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