I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
