weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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