I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
