I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
