My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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