one two three fourrrrnication!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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