Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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