It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
