You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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