how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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