I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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