her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
