I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
my poor anus
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
