I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
