if you like me you must not know who I am
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
