So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
