we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
