wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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