The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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