OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
