So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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