My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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