I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
