I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
