forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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