did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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