i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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